Our company left over the course of the last week and a half. A very small part of me was relieved, life back to “normal”, routines, work, etc… but the bigger part of me was, of course, saddened by them leaving. They are a piece of home that I miss so much on a daily basis and having them here reminded me of how much I miss that piece of my life. However, having them here and seeing us survive and thrive also meant the world to me. That they could see the pride we take in our “new” city – we wanted to show them things that we have experienced in the last few months and have enjoyed. Take them to our favorite restaurants. And of course, have conversation with them like the ones we had before we left. The phone and Skype are great tools, but they aren’t the same as having a face to face conversation.
And so now I’m once again faced with the fact that I’m alone once more. Or am I? Well, I’ve got the kids so I’m certainly not alone in the physical sense though their conversation is somewhat limited to “Can I play the Wii?” and “Can I have more milk?” Ok, maybe it’s not that limited, but I miss the daily conversation with my friends whom I don’t speak to nearly enough. And of course, I have Josh – we talk all the time… But I want to mix it up a bit… talk to people I haven’t talked to in a while. These visitors opened me up to the fact that I need to put myself out there more. Not only with my new friends in Spain, but with my old friends at home that I really need to make more effort with calling on the phone, not just emailing with. It was just so amazing to have Michelle to talk to every day for the 3 weeks she was here. And my in-laws were here for just about 2 weeks an I had more conversation with them in a day than I had in a month on the phone.
I’ve never been much of a phone person and I think it’s one of those things I’m going to have to change if I want to make this experience a better one for me and making it better means not losing my ties to home while I build new ties to my friends in Spain. I need to be more forthcoming with my new friends – not waiting to be asked to go out, but making the suggestion to go out.
Come September I will be alone in the sense that from 7:30-5 each day, I will be the only one in the house. This is going to be the time for me to either shine or sink back into my hole. It is a time I’m anxious about – what will it be like not having at least one child home part time for the first time in 6 years? Josh is at work from 7-8. I plan to get more work done, for sure. My business has certainly paid the price of having children and moving abroad, but it’s been on an upward swing the last few months and I want to run with that.
But above and beyond that, what is my plan? More lunches with friends? Taking time out to make more calls home? With Liam home with me the last 7 months, his 3 hr nap time was my time to work, make calls, practice my spanish and pick up the house. Not a lot of time is it? Now I’ll have all day to do those things. So one of my goals will be to make the most of my time alone. Enjoy this beautiful city for what it is. Learn the language that I have been struggling with for the last 7 months. Being alone does not have to equate to being lonely. And that’s a lesson I need to focus on – if I put myself out there who knows what good can happen.
I’ll keep you posted on the progress of this one…